In the Wee Hours

Well it's 4 in the morning, I've been awake since 3 or so and can't sleep. Didn't fall asleep until almost midnight so it hasn't been a good night for me. What's got me in a quandary? It's been a hard few days for me in HR. My people lost a benefit which is something I really hate to see. I won't get into the reasons why because a public forum isn't the place to air this type of thing. But the deal is, and this is always a tricky issue in my profession, it hits hard at home for me too. I am also an employee who lost something. My daughter lost too. And that's the piece that really gets me going. A little 22 month old girl losing precious hours due to office politics.

So it starts me thinking, is this what I really want? By this, I mean this rat race we live in here in the DC area. I hear myself commenting quite frequently how fast we are all moving, that time is the precious commodity none of have enough of, it's all being sucked up too quickly. Is it like this everywhere?

My husband and I have an ongoing conversation should I work or stay home? It always comes down to two things for me. One, money, it's hard to live in this area on one income, not impossible for us, but not exactly cushy either. Two, I want to be a role model for my daughter. I want her to have her own career goals. And I also have to admit most days I like my job, I like having a life outside the home.

What's the trade off? On an average weekday how much time do I spend with her? The answer is simple, not enough. I wake her up at 7 and by 8 or shortly after she's at day care. I pick her up at 5:45, get home around 6:15 immediately hand her over to my husband so I can rush to make dinner. We eat dinner, which can be nice or stressful depending on how she feels about dinner. I give her a bath, which again can be nice or stressful, then we go downstairs and I get about 45 minutes with her before her bedtime. That's a rough trade off.

So the question still remains is it like this everywhere? Is the pace this fast? Would it be better to sell the house, use the profits to buy a comparable house somewhere where the market is not so crazy and live a more simple life? Well, since I am up in the wee hours stressing over work related issues, it's looking pretty attractive.